I got a new friend today. It was something I had been thinking about for awhile, but honestly had been scared to death of actually doing. This time was much different. I think I've spent the majority of my life looking for ''signs''. ''Divine inclinations'' that I should take whatever next step it was that I was supposed to. Certainly, it's easier to make a decision that way when you've thought it was already universally laid out for you. Somehow. If that makes any sense. Anyway, this time it wasn't happening for me and I began to sink down into a stagnant decay of stuck-ness. Again. Waiting for something, anything, to pull me out.
I woke up this morning in a full sweat, still entangled in dreams the night before. I knew that something had to change but the indecisiveness that had been frequenting my mind was putting up a good fight. I need a fuzzy friend. Something to love. Something that's not going to give two shits if I put makeup on that day. Or if, at times, I struggle with a heavy heart. Out of protection, I've pushed so much, and so many out of my life. Not on purpose, but more out of deeply-rooted habit. And all it has gotten me is alone. Point not intended. So this morning, I got in my car and drove an hour northbound. This time, I wasn't coming back without a damn cat.
When I arrived, a sweet woman came to the door to greet me. She had been fostering kittens for the SPCA and had quite the set up. She told me about a little one that she had handled since he was born. We went down to her basement or 'kitten-tropolis' and she began showing me all of them. This little fluff came barreling out of his cage and started rough housing with the others. I knew I wanted a long-haired kitty, but everything else was a free for all. Shirley picked him up and handed him to me, he immediately went limp in my arms, purring up a storm. I'm not sure if it was the ''sign'' I wanted. But that was okay.
Our ride home was nothing short of a nightmare. Out of all the days it had to be 95 degrees, this was surely the worst. My AC was barely blowing luke warm air and we had an hour to go. Crying, I took him out of the carrier and put him on my lap. He looked up at me terrified, and in that moment I realized that I couldn't be anymore. I had this little life depending on me and if I freaked out, all it was going to do was upset him more. I looked down at him and promised that I would get him home safe, and that everything would be okay. That we would curl up in the AC as soon as I opened the door. We did. And I couldn't be happier. And in just the few hours that I've had this little guy, he's shown me what it's like to be brave, to take a risk and to open my heart again.