This topic has been on my mind quite a bit lately. As the year has been slowly coming to an end it has seemed to bring up a lot of matters close to my heart. Where do I see myself in the next few years? What has been holding me back? As I look back and take inventory of my work I can't help but feel as though I've suppressed so much. Like a veil, I've limited the amount I've shown of myself, professionally and personally. I guess there are good and bad aspects to perfectionism. On one hand, your work is precise, consistent, foolproof. One the other, it sits upon a incredibly fragile foundation. I remember neurotically setting up a shot for a wedding this year and overheard one of the bridesmaids comment on how meticulous I was, another chimed in with ''well, that's why she is so good''. I can't tell you how suffocating and terrifying this is. To have your expectations set so ridiculously high that one mishap could be earth shattering. It has reaped havoc in my creative process, and, in my personal life. ''Well that little thing is off in that photo, I can't show that one because every one will hate it and think I'm a horrible photographer, career over''. Down the rabbit hole.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older, or just plain t.i.r.e.d. But this way of living doesn't serve me much anymore. I am imperfect, deeply flawed, and broken. But in that, I am human. Full of beautiful inconsistencies. Why should we box ourselves in to one tight, limited space? What if right now, we are good enough?
“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.”